The Trellis and the Vine:
An old wooden trellis stood in a lovely but neglected garden. This strong, sturdy trellis felt sad and alone because he had not been in use for many years; no flowers or vines adorned his old, weathered frame. Thinking he had little purpose, he often wondered why he even existed.
One day a new gardener was hired. After seeing the barren trellis, the gardener carried over a lovely vine and asked the trellis if he would kindly supply the structure and direction needed for the vine to thrive. The trellis eagerly accepted the offer, delighted to at last have a beautiful vine to care for and support. Besides feeling purposeful, he also felt thrilled to be adorned with such beauty and softness caressing his framework. He longed to protect her so that she could flourish and shine in her radiant glory.
Over time, and with the trellis’ support, the vine grew more lush, confident, and beautiful by the day. She played freely and happily because she felt safe and secure in the trellis’ arms. She knew she could depend on his stability and strength. She loved entwining her bright leaves throughout his willing frame. He enjoyed feeling useful by supporting her, and he delighted in watching her play and grow. The two united into a perfect visual delight that people often stopped to admire.
Soon, couples asked to say their wedding vows beneath the beautiful shade of the trellis and the vine. Before long, several wedding celebrations happened under their united beauty every week, yet none of the wedded couples stopped to think about what created such beauty.
Without the vine, the trellis would have appeared boring, drab, and lifeless. Without the supportive trellis, the vine’s radiant beauty could not have been protected, nurtured and showcased.
This story of The Trellis and the Vine illustrates beautifully the gifts of pure masculinity and pure femininity. Note that none of us is purely masculine or feminine; however, keeping this story in mind will help you understand our more basic biological differences. When we fully understand and accept these differences, we can avoid so many misunderstandings that create hurt, anger and resentments that lead to breakups and divorce.
Imagine understanding your man from a refreshing new perspective and seeing him change before your eyes. Would receiving his adoration be worth it to you? If so, get a copy of my new groundbreaking book on Amazon! I’m also available for femininity mentoring and feminine makeovers. With these wonderful tools, your radiance can come forth and your life will never look the same!
Taken from Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men, by Morgan Wonderly.
Question…as a woman, have you ever felt that you needed to be more masculine in order to be valued and respected in today’s world? I know I did. However, after a decade of listening to men, I learned that the truth is quite different. Since our natural essence and biology is feminine, that is where our authentic power lies. Men absolutely understand this truth. The reason we don’t feel fully valued when we operate in our masculine energy is because we are pretending to be something we are not. We are being fake. Men in particular see through this facade and it diminishes their attraction for and adoration of us. In other words, it dampens and cools their fire energy and they lose drive and motivation to do for us.
If a woman really wants to be honored and respected, it’s imperative that she come from her natural energy, which is feminine. I never had any idea how much men valued our femininity until I started doing research for my book. I also discovered that our modern culture promotes the misguided notion that femininity is “weak”. To be clear, femininity is not weak. That’s a culturally constructed myth. Authentic femininity is powerful beyond measure. It may sound like an oxymoron, but there is undeniable power in our radiance, charm, warmth, and mystery. Just ask any man. Without femininity, they would never have been inspired to build our great civilizations.
“If there hadn’t been women we’d still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.” – Orson Welles
A good man would move mountains or if need be, swim shark infested waters, for the woman he loves. He would literally die for her. That is the power and the glory of our femininity.
In what ways, if any, have you been holding back or hiding your feminine essence? For more guidance and tips on how to express your natural femininity, check out my new groundbreaking book on Amazon, Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men.
Since most men struggle today in a world that doesn’t admire them, they look to their female partner to meet this need. Just as women need adoration, men need admiration. When a woman admires a man, it is much easier for him to adore her. When we admire him, we give him a precious gift, the gift of feeling masculine. If a woman can’t admire the man she’s with, she’s with the wrong man.
Here are some attributes for which men wish to be admired:
Leadership skills, good character, physical strength, protection, dependability, honesty, honor, trustworthiness, courage, good provider, sharp intellect, good lover, good father, respectful of women, chivalry, specialized knowledge, loyalty, integrity, and competence.
Ways to Show Admiration for Your Man:
- Speaking words of affirmation and appreciation.
- Telling others how much you admire him.
- Giving him a heartfelt smile that lets him know you love him.
- Being affectionate or cuddling.
- Responding to him sexually, and, on occasion, approaching him.
- Allowing him uninterrupted alone time.
- Asking for his opinion—and then taking his advice.
- Making yourself attractive and feminine for him.
- Wearing a dress he loves on you when you go out together.
- Letting him do tasks without correcting him, criticizing him, or making him feel uncomfortable.
- Allowing him to be your hero by helping you with a problem.
- Telling him you’re proud of him.
- Trusting him in the areas where he excels.
- Listening to him without interrupting.
- Keeping his confidences and secrets.
If Aphrodite were to tell us only one secret about men, this would be it: Of all the things men need from us, admiration matters most. They need admiration more than they need love and … drum roll… even more than they need sex! By applying this crucial piece of knowledge, you will be amazed at how quickly it can enhance your love life with men.
Here is the main point you need to remember…“You admire him—he adores you.” What we give out to good men comes back to us tenfold.
When we value the men in our lives by admiring them, they will bond with us in a much more intimate way. When was the last time you praised the special man in your life? If it’s been awhile, what are three things you could tell him you admire in him?
Excerpt taken from Chapter 6, What Men Need from Us, “Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men” by Morgan Wonderly.
I was talking with a male friend of mine last night who suggested I write a blog on women’s language. He elaborated by saying that when he over hears women in conversation and they’re making fun of others or gossiping or using crude language, it’s a turn off to men. To them, it implies that we have underlying anger, insecurity or jealousy issues, which takes away from our feminine attractiveness. It makes them wonder if we’re judging them in a similar way or saying derogitory things about them behind their back too.
Men Observe More than We Think They Do
In my years of research for my book, I found men’s uneasiness with our gossip and judgement of others to be a sensitive topic with them. Although they observe our conversations, they may never talk to us about how they really feel. Deep down, men want to be our confidants and feel safe to open up to us. They long to trust us with their goals, desires and secrets. Yet when they hear us gossip with other women, a part of them shuts down. They question whether or not they can trust us. They hesitate telling us anything too personal that could be used against them later.
Men also find crude conversation in women to be turn off. When a woman is crude, she comes across as very masculine. This is so unappealing to a masculine man, because what he’s missing, the feminine, is what he seeks to compliment him. If he wants another man, he can call on his buddies or go down to the sports bar. Similarly, a woman who continually complains in a negative way or has a pessimistic tone, tells a man he can’t make her happy. For men, making us happy is what makes them thrive. The happier we are, the more they will do to keep us happy.
The key to changing our conversations to more positive ones, is to make a change in our mindset. When we have an attitude that stems from acceptance and love, instead of fear and insecurity, our language and conversations automatically shift to a higher level. Our words become softer and kinder and we evolve to being more caring and compassionate. These warm words are what men find very feminine and attractive and make it safe for them to truly open and share their hearts with us. If we want men to bond with us forever, the words we choose and the way we say them are key.
For more enlightening information on what men love and find feminine in us, get my new book, “Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men” on Amazon. Mother’s Day is this Sunday and this would make a great gift for your mom. There is no other book quite like it. She will love it!
We women underestimate the power of our radiant, feminine smile to attract men. Few of us comprehend what this kind of beautiful smile means to men. We can dress to the nines, but where men are concerned, if we don’t smile, our allure and magnetism are canceled out. Men perceive unsmiling women as unattractive, unreceptive, and unavailable.
Men say that many women today have become too serious. It’s a woman’s lighthearted, cheerful nature that better illuminates her feminine energy. When women lose sight of their soft nature, it hurts them. It hurts their health and well-being. It hurts their relationships. Our smile can light up a man’s world and send a warm welcome. Our smile is inviting to him and implies our openness to a conversation. Our smile makes him feel masculine and admired. It also makes us appear much more beautiful and youthful.
“You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” – from the Broadway musical Annie
Perhaps one reason we aren’t aware of the impact of our feminine smiles on men is that men’s smiles don’t have a corresponding effect on us. In most cases, we can be just as attracted to a man with a serious, unsmiling look as we are to a man with a smile. In fact, men can often look more masculine and appealing to us when they look serious. There is a biological reason for this: we feminine women look to the masculine for security, protection, and support, and this is serious business. Serious business does not require a smile, and we know this intuitively. Think of some attractive male celebrities. Notice how sexy they can look when they are seriously focused on their mission or goal. By contrast, a man’s attraction for us is increased when we smile radiantly as we interact with him.
It takes courage to smile at men; it can feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. We may hesitate in smiling at men because we fear it will seem like a come-on. But most men don’t take it that way. Most men see our smile as a wonderful compliment, and most will simply smile back. The rewards are well worth stepping out of our comfort zone.
“A woman is only as beautiful as her smile.” – a man once said to me,
Every man I’ve talked to agrees with that statement. Much of the time, and without realizing it, we women smile halfheartedly, if at all. A genuine smile comes from the heart, from joy and appreciation. An authentic, radiant smile lights up your entire face, causing your eyes to brighten and sparkle. It tells a man you’re happy to see him.
To see the difference yourself, practice your smile in the mirror and bring your smartphone. First try smiling halfheartedly in the mirror and take a selfie. Then focus a real smile from a happy heart. To accomplish this kind of smile, close your eyes and move your attention down into your heart. Focus on a time when you were deeply in love or received a wonderful surprise. When you feel that you have fully embodied that feeling, smile, open your eyes, look in the mirror, and take another selfie. Compare the two photos and notice the brightness in your face and the sparkle in your eyes in the second one. You’ll see the difference immediately. You’ll notice how much younger you look because this kind of smile gives an instant face-lift! That’s the radiant smile that melts men’s hearts.
This radiant smile is much easier to come by with an attitude of lightheartedness. It’s your birthright to lighten up, laugh, giggle, and bring out the little girl in you. Lightheartedness is a gift that not only benefits you, but the men in your life as well. Your sincere smile helps take them out of their serious workaday world.
Excerpts taken from “Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men” by Morgan Wonderly