by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
Why Men Stay Quiet on the Topic of Our Femininity
Why don’t we know more about what men find feminine? Why haven’t men shared their opinions with us? I’ve learned men do have definite thoughts and feelings regarding women’s femininity, including what they do and don’t like, but because they’ve been ridiculed and put down for giving their opinions, they’ve grown cautious. Men know what they like, but they often don’t know how to articulate it.
Many men believe women simply don’t care about what men think.
In today’s hypersensitive political climate around gender issues, men have become careful about what they say. They might try to verbalize their ideas in a politically correct way but still offend someone. Men fear being called “sexist” or other derogatory adjectives that result in their being alienated from women. Men love and need us, which they will freely admit. Therefore, being cut off from us is the last thing they want.
Men’s ideas, opinions, and attitudes regarding femininity have been buried for so long that they might deny having any opinions at all. They need to feel safe with us before they will open up. They need to know we won’t get defensive or verbally attack them. For example, when we ask a man if he likes a certain outfit on us and he responds in a general way with “Sure honey, you look good in everything you wear,” we can be fairly sure he’s trying not to upset us by saying the wrong thing. But the truth is, men do have preferences.
So, if we want to have deeply satisfying relationships with the men in our lives, it would behoove us as woman to ask them questions about what they like and what they need regarding our femininity; and then make it safe for them to answer in an honest and direct way. In other words, one of the greatest gifts a woman can offer her man is to give him a voice. When a man feels free to voice his true thoughts and opinions, he will naturally bond to that woman and never want to leave.
Excerpt from Chapter 2 of Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men by Morgan Wonderly
Get your copy of Simply Feminine on Amazon Here! It will change your perceptions of men forever!
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
Men were born to be protectors. It’s in their biology.
A man once said to me, “Do you know why men don’t have as many friends as women do? It’s because we’re too busy protecting and providing for women, most especially the one special woman.”
Our Creator designed man with an instinctive drive to protect females and children. It’s as though Our Creator whispered in his ear, “Protect her! Protect her!” As a Cherokee proverb says, “A man’s highest calling is to protect woman so she is free to walk the earth unharmed.”
We see this protectiveness in nearly all animal species. The mother protects her babies while the male protects both the mother and their offspring, even to his death if necessary. Subconsciously, men value women higher than themselves. That aspect alone should help us appreciate men more.
Today, men hear women say, “I don’t need a man to protect me.” Women have no idea what those words do to a man’s soul. Men need to be admired for being masculine—and that includes protecting women.
Safety and security sit right at the top of our needs as feminine women. It is always in the back of our minds when we’re driving alone at night, when we’re lost in a questionable neighborhood, or when we’re home alone and hear a strange noise outside our window in the middle of the night. We have traditionally looked to men for our safety. Men love to provide security for women because it makes them feel purposeful, needed, and masculine.
Good men want to be protective because doing so gives them great satisfaction. They don’t need us to protect them in return. They don’t need our money. They don’t need our gifts. What they need from us is admiration, appreciation, and affection. Is that too much for them to ask in return for keeping us safe?
Have you ever experienced a man coming to your rescue? How did you respond? How did you feel about his protection?
Excerpt from Chapter 3 of Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men by Morgan Wonderly
Get your copy of Simply Feminine on Amazon HERE! It will change your perceptions of men forever!
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
Did you know that men are saddened by our insecurities?
Because we females are relationship oriented, we have a natural desire to be liked and to belong. Madison Avenue is amply aware of this aspect of our biology and takes full advantage by feeding us endless ads of perfect airbrushed images. Consciously or subconsciously, we compare ourselves to these examples of beauty and come up short. Over time, these exaggerated images assault our self-esteem by contributing to our feelings of insecurity.
Then, to encourage us to buy more and more, the appearance industry cleverly sells our “confidence” back to us through endless fashion fads, beauty products, skin treatments, weight-loss pills, and plastic surgeries. This negative feedback loop never gives us what we need.
While many of us don’t realize how the beauty industry has shaped us over time, men are keenly aware of how much we have been exposed to and influenced by deceptive advertising and rampant materialism. Men say they feel saddened when they observe the powerful effects the media—especially women’s magazines—has on our self-worth. According to many quality men I talk with, we could do without most of these beauty products and services and still be genuinely attractive to them. The fastest way for us to opt out of this vicious cycle of insecurity is to realize that our most attractive asset is simply our radiant feminine nature.
As one man put it, “A woman’s smile is more valuable than millions of dollars’ worth of purchased beauty.” I don’t know about you, but I love hearing that.
Excerpt from Chapter 2 of Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men by Morgan Wonderly
Get your copy of Simply Feminine on Amazon HERE! It will change your perceptions of men forever!
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
We women are often blind to our own allure to men. Because the eye cannot see itself, we don’t see our beauty in the same way that men do. It’s impossible. As with beauty, both inner and outer, femininity is in the eyes of the beholder. Since men are the beholders of our femininity, wouldn’t that make them experts on the topic, and wouldn’t it benefit us to learn what femininity is from their viewpoint?
Incidentally, although men know what attracts them to us, that does not mean they know all the particulars of our beauty products and services. For example, they don’t know the specific makeup brands, shades, techniques, hair-color products, and countless other details with which we concern ourselves. However, they do know what they like when they see it and experience it.
“Femininity is something I feel when I see it, although it’s sometimes difficult to define in words. It’s an ethereal presence that at once stirs and soothes the male soul. I do know that a soft, kind smile from a woman is pretty damn feminine.” – Ken, business owner, Ventura, California
Men Hold Femininity in High Regard
One man in Lake Tahoe told me,
“If women fully realized their worth as feminine beings to men, it would completely change the way they see themselves. Their self-esteem would soar. Women would begin to value their natural femininity like never before.”
Contrary to popular stereotypes, men don’t see femininity as less valuable than masculinity. In fact, men are far more “feminine-friendly” than we are. Good men view women as different but equal to them—not inferior to them. Most men hold femininity in high regard as a strength. When we operate from our feminine energy, men adore us, honor us, and want to care for and protect us. They value and respect our femininity because nothing in the world can take its place.
A healthy man is not attracted to subservient doormats. A woman with low self-esteem has little to contribute to his life. She drains his energy while he tries to prop her up. Men don’t seek women who are mere decorations without opinions of their own. Only a highly insecure man would seek a woman with such low self-esteem, no matter her looks. Being soft and tender is not the same as being a doormat. When we offer our feminine tenderness to a man who loves us, he doesn’t think less of us—he adores us.
A masculine man wants a feminine woman who is his valued counterpart, not a bimbo or a pushover. Nor is he looking for his gender twin—a masculine woman. He wants a woman who will complement his masculinity with her femininity.
Although these qualities of softness and tenderness may seem insignificant to us because they are natural and effortless for us, they are precious to a man. Our feminine softness proves valuable because it soothes his soul and contributes to his sense of well-being. Our femininity makes a man feel masculine, and his masculinity restores his energy. Without a feminine woman in his life, a man often lacks inspiration and may settle for an unheroic life.
Think back to a time when you saw a feminine woman’s influence over a man. Perhaps it was a gentle, petite woman who calmed her gruff man (who was twice her size) simply with her soft tone and tender touch. It seems illogical, but the female’s tenderness works like magic on men … and they love it.
Excerpt from Chapter 2 of Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men by Morgan Wonderly
Get your copy of Simply Feminine on Amazon HERE! It will change your perceptions of men!
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
As one man best expressed it:
“When women try to become masculine, they give up their true strength. Women are already upstream in the Universe—they just need to flow with the current rather than fight it and try to go the wrong way.” – Rob
Many women today believe that to succeed in the workplace they must set aside their femininity and operate from their masculine energy. However, for those of us with a strong feminine core, this means an endless struggle to stay in an energy that is foreign to us. Because a masculine role is not natural to us, we aren’t living from an authentic place. We keep ourselves from fully expressing our innate competencies. As a result, we are not performing at our best. Even worse, we accumulate stresses that take a toll on our mental and physical well-being. Our bodies protest and become tense and rigid because this is not our true energy. We risk burning out.
Correspondingly, we have all observed women in leadership roles who act as if they can gain more power and control by being rude, overbearing, and domineering. Far from being examples of empowerment, they mimic the behaviors of lesser, insecure men. Truly effective leaders, men and women alike, lead by example and empower others, rather than by ego domination and control. Men have made it very clear to me that women have extraordinary power over them—if they are being feminine.
Here is a refreshing bit of information I learned from men: Women acting masculine is not what elicits respect. In fact, men see it as a weakness—a sign of cowardice, because they don’t have the courage to be themselves. What’s respected in the workplace is a woman (or a man) who is talented, capable and competent at what they do. Therefore, a woman who’s competent in her field and who has the courage to be authentically feminine at the same time can be powerfully effective.
The fact that women don’t need to act masculine to be successful is not an arbitrary conclusion. It is supported by the men I’ve talked with. They overwhelmingly expressed the belief that a woman can be a great leader while staying feminine. Rather than trying to mimic masculine qualities, a woman can effectively leverage her feminine (e.g., connecting and relating abilities) to lead a team by gathering the best ideas and using her influence to orchestrate agreement. This way, the organization can accomplish a goal with the whole team buying in. Some of the details may require more masculine energy, and if she chooses, there is nothing wrong with temporarily exercising her masculine energy, or delegating tasks to those better suited to them. She loves her team or organization into success, just as she would her family. She leads from her authentic feminine, not a façade of masculinity.
Femininity: A Perfect Design
Imagine Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. She has an inner glow about her. She exudes radiance with her warm smile, sparkling eyes and soft skin. In a relaxed manner, she gracefully moves through life, cheerfully interacting with others, appreciating and creating beauty wherever she goes. She thrives on her relationships, including being warm and receptive to men and inspiring their cooperation.
Now, picture that Aphrodite has decided to go masculine by “dressing for success.” She cuts her long locks, trades her flowing gown for a dark business suit, and rather than living from her natural feminine essence, sets her sights on climbing the corporate ladder to achieve power and material wealth. It may seem at first glance she is embarking on a path of achievement … but she discovers pretty quickly that she has traded away far more than she has gained.
However, despite all the confusion out there, femininity is not lost. It’s an intrinsic part of who we are as women. Just as the sun is not gone when clouds cover it, our femininity simply needs to be uncovered so that it can shine through us again. Like Aphrodite, we are so much more effective when we operate from our natural essence—instead of altering an already perfect design!
Excerpt from Chapter 1, Whatever Happened to Femininity? Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men by Morgan Wonderly.
Get your copy of Simply Feminine HERE!
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
Our Aversion to the Word “Need”
As a whole, we women seem to be proud of not needing a man today. We can even wear it like a badge of honor. However, we have no idea how this kind of pride destroys a man’s adoration for us.
We’ve come to believe that autonomy is synonymous with strength. As part of our cultural emphasis on independence, we have heard repeatedly that we are not supposed to need a man in our lives. We have been led to believe there is something wrong with us if we say we “need” a man, and we have been conditioned to deny these thoughts and feelings as though needing a man is an unpardonable sin. Even if we secretly admit to ourselves we need a man, we don’t dare say it aloud. Many of us disappear into a closet with our needs, where we pretend to be perfectly happy—independent and alone.
Men have described a modern-day trend in women’s online dating profiles in which women write that they “don’t need a man, they just want a man.” However, this statement does not endear a woman to them; in fact, they tell me it turns them off. Men need to feel useful to women, but how can they feel useful if we claim we don’t need them? How would we feel if we weren’t needed?
Sure, we can exist without a man, but that isn’t living life to the fullest. Quality men can add so much to our lives if we let them. The right man opens the door to our heart more than we can for ourselves. He can add more safety, happiness, support, and fulfillment to our lives. Good men make it a priority to see that our needs and desires are met. I think that’s a wonderful thing. Imagine how much easier our lives could be if we just let men know about our needs. They long to help us. All we have to do is to let them.
“Men and women are like two feet; they need each other to get ahead.” – Dr. Helen Fisher
Excerpt from Chapter 5 of Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men, by Morgan Wonderly
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
Men Love Us to be Happy
Men adore women who radiate happiness because seeing a woman who’s happy is one of their top sources of joy. And so making the woman happy makes a man feel purposeful in his relationship with her; keeping us happy is one of the ways men feel they can win with us. Our joy inspires them to provide, protect, and care for us. Often, a man will do something for his woman simply because he knows it makes her happy. He does this because his woman’s happiness makes him feel like a good, masculine man. And in return, when he does this, he feels masculine.
Unfortunately, when we are generally negative, sad, or angry, it takes away from our overall attractiveness. That is not to say we won’t have our moments when we feel unhappy or angry, but choosing to be happy and upbeat can make such a difference in the way we feel. Reality is whatever we make it. We can transform our lives from a painful struggle into a joyous journey simply by shifting to a positive mindset and seeing possibility in place of difficulty.
“You are the designer of your destiny; you are the author of your story.” – Lisa Nichols, Author of No Matter What
One thing I did to help change my mindset was to stop watching the news with all its negative messages. For that matter, I stopped watching any TV or movies that were violent, tragic, or scary. Now, besides having more time, I feel much more optimistic!
If we choose to live as happy women, we must continually feed our minds positive messages. Our subconscious mind is like a computer that picks up information around us constantly. It doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. If we think the TV doesn’t affect our beliefs and attitudes, it just means we are hopelessly shackled to it and in denial of its power over us.
Maintaining a cheerful mental attitude may also mean letting go of certain toxic, negative friends whose attitudes drain our energy and bring us down. No, we cannot change them, so we need to respectfully let them go instead of resenting them for bringing negative energy into our lives.
One way to understand the happiness that men adore is to think of a joyful moment in your life. Recall how your face radiated happiness, your voice sounded vibrant, and your eyes lit up. Take a mental snapshot of that moment because those happy moments are when you’re the most beautiful to men. We can bring this moment back whenever we want, just by remembering and getting into the feeling.
Tips to Becoming Happier:
- Taking responsibility for ourselves is the first step to our happiness.
- Others are not to blame for what’s wrong in our lives. We create our own reality through our thinking, words, conversations, and self-talk.
- Once we realize that we create our own destiny, we have the power to change it.
- Smile often. Besides melting men’s hearts, a smile is an instant face-lift.
- Release anger, and forgive others often, including yourself.
- Meditate daily and/or practice yoga.
- Move away from toxic, negative friends who are energy vampires.
- Find a happiness example or coach—someone who is happy most of the time.
- Start a gratitude journal and write what you’re grateful for every morning. It works like magic. Gratitude is the most direct way to happiness.
- Practice reframing the past from a positive viewpoint. Let go of the old, negative story and create a new story that feels great.
- Make a game of turning every lemon in life into lemonade.
- Focus on bringing a smile to someone else’s face through kindness and warmth.
- Make a list of exciting people, places, and activities to explore every day.
- Set aside some time every day for relaxation and fun.
- Be creative. Take a painting class, join a writers’ group, or enroll in a photography club.
- Substitute negative TV shows and violent or scary movies with positive, inspiring information, activities, and friends.
- Never compete with others. Instead, focus on self-development and only compete with yourself. No feelings of envy or jealousy come from that.
- Try something new. Nothing opens us up more than something new, even if it’s driving home on a different route or trying a new recipe for dinner.
- Read positive, uplifting books to quickly and easily change moods and outlook.
- Attend personal development seminars, workshops, classes, and/or camps. We are living beings, and if we are not growing, we are dying. Growing is a lot more fun.
Excerpt from Chapter 7 of Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men by Morgan Wonderly.
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
The Trellis and the Vine:
An old wooden trellis stood in a lovely but neglected garden. This strong, sturdy trellis felt sad and alone because he had not been in use for many years; no flowers or vines adorned his old, weathered frame. Thinking he had little purpose, he often wondered why he even existed.
One day a new gardener was hired. After seeing the barren trellis, the gardener carried over a lovely vine and asked the trellis if he would kindly supply the structure and direction needed for the vine to thrive. The trellis eagerly accepted the offer, delighted to at last have a beautiful vine to care for and support. Besides feeling purposeful, he also felt thrilled to be adorned with such beauty and softness caressing his framework. He longed to protect her so that she could flourish and shine in her radiant glory.
Over time, and with the trellis’ support, the vine grew more lush, confident, and beautiful by the day. She played freely and happily because she felt safe and secure in the trellis’ arms. She knew she could depend on his stability and strength. She loved entwining her bright leaves throughout his willing frame. He enjoyed feeling useful by supporting her, and he delighted in watching her play and grow. The two united into a perfect visual delight that people often stopped to admire.
Soon, couples asked to say their wedding vows beneath the beautiful shade of the trellis and the vine. Before long, several wedding celebrations happened under their united beauty every week, yet none of the wedded couples stopped to think about what created such beauty.
Without the vine, the trellis would have appeared boring, drab, and lifeless. Without the supportive trellis, the vine’s radiant beauty could not have been protected, nurtured and showcased.
This story of The Trellis and the Vine illustrates beautifully the gifts of pure masculinity and pure femininity. Note that none of us is purely masculine or feminine; however, keeping this story in mind will help you understand our more basic biological differences. When we fully understand and accept these differences, we can avoid so many misunderstandings that create hurt, anger and resentments that lead to breakups and divorce.
Imagine understanding your man from a refreshing new perspective and seeing him change before your eyes. Would receiving his adoration be worth it to you? If so, get a copy of my new groundbreaking book on Amazon! I’m also available for femininity mentoring and feminine makeovers. With these wonderful tools, your radiance can come forth and your life will never look the same!
–Morgan Wonderly
Taken from Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men, by Morgan Wonderly.
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
Question…as a woman, have you ever felt that you needed to be more masculine in order to be valued and respected in today’s world? I know I did. However, after a decade of listening to men, I learned that the truth is quite different. Since our natural essence and biology is feminine, that is where our authentic power lies. Men absolutely understand this truth. The reason we don’t feel fully valued when we operate in our masculine energy is because we are pretending to be something we are not. We are being fake. Men in particular see through this facade and it diminishes their attraction for and adoration of us. In other words, it dampens and cools their fire energy and they lose drive and motivation to do for us.
If a woman really wants to be honored and respected, it’s imperative that she come from her natural energy, which is feminine. I never had any idea how much men valued our femininity until I started doing research for my book. I also discovered that our modern culture promotes the misguided notion that femininity is “weak”. To be clear, femininity is not weak. That’s a culturally constructed myth. Authentic femininity is powerful beyond measure. It may sound like an oxymoron, but there is undeniable power in our radiance, charm, warmth, and mystery. Just ask any man. Without femininity, they would never have been inspired to build our great civilizations.
“If there hadn’t been women we’d still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.” – Orson Welles
A good man would move mountains or if need be, swim shark infested waters, for the woman he loves. He would literally die for her. That is the power and the glory of our femininity.
In what ways, if any, have you been holding back or hiding your feminine essence? For more guidance and tips on how to express your natural femininity, check out my new groundbreaking book on Amazon, Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men.
by Morgan Wonderly | Femininity
Since most men struggle today in a world that doesn’t admire them, they look to their female partner to meet this need. Just as women need adoration, men need admiration. When a woman admires a man, it is much easier for him to adore her. When we admire him, we give him a precious gift, the gift of feeling masculine. If a woman can’t admire the man she’s with, she’s with the wrong man.
Here are some attributes for which men wish to be admired:
Leadership skills, good character, physical strength, protection, dependability, honesty, honor, trustworthiness, courage, good provider, sharp intellect, good lover, good father, respectful of women, chivalry, specialized knowledge, loyalty, integrity, and competence.
Ways to Show Admiration for Your Man:
- Speaking words of affirmation and appreciation.
- Telling others how much you admire him.
- Giving him a heartfelt smile that lets him know you love him.
- Being affectionate or cuddling.
- Responding to him sexually, and, on occasion, approaching him.
- Allowing him uninterrupted alone time.
- Asking for his opinion—and then taking his advice.
- Making yourself attractive and feminine for him.
- Wearing a dress he loves on you when you go out together.
- Letting him do tasks without correcting him, criticizing him, or making him feel uncomfortable.
- Allowing him to be your hero by helping you with a problem.
- Telling him you’re proud of him.
- Trusting him in the areas where he excels.
- Listening to him without interrupting.
- Keeping his confidences and secrets.
If Aphrodite were to tell us only one secret about men, this would be it: Of all the things men need from us, admiration matters most. They need admiration more than they need love and … drum roll… even more than they need sex! By applying this crucial piece of knowledge, you will be amazed at how quickly it can enhance your love life with men.
Here is the main point you need to remember…“You admire him—he adores you.” What we give out to good men comes back to us tenfold.
When we value the men in our lives by admiring them, they will bond with us in a much more intimate way. When was the last time you praised the special man in your life? If it’s been awhile, what are three things you could tell him you admire in him?
Excerpt taken from Chapter 6, What Men Need from Us, “Simply Feminine, Surprising Insights from Men” by Morgan Wonderly.
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