Men find us more beautiful than we do ourselves. Instead of noticing what’s wrong, men see what’s attractive. For instance, men see our curves before they see our cellulite.

We females, however, notice every imperfection. We expertly critique every detail of our hair, outfit, nails, makeup, and shoes. Because we are so hard on ourselves, we assume that men notice the same imperfect details. However, just as men don’t notice their socks lying in the middle of the floor, they don’t observe our imperfections—unless we call attention to them. We often make the mistake of redirecting a man’s attention away from our feminine beauty onto flaws we’re self-conscious about—flaws that a man would never have noticed if we had not pointed them out. While our female brains focus on what needs to improve or change, men’s brains focus on what’s feminine and alluring. We are far better off when we appreciate the positive feminine qualities that we already have in abundance, as opposed to being our own worst critics and finding an endless parade of real or imagined defects.


A Story of My Brother


When my brother Paul visited me in San Diego some years ago, he took photos of me at the beach. He later said that one photo in particular was the best picture he’d ever seen of me. But, when he showed me the photo, I didn’t like it at all, and I couldn’t understand why he loved it so much. My hair was blown back, revealing my high forehead and dark roots, and I felt my smile was too broad and gummy.

My brother was a perfectionist in photography, so I couldn’t imagine why he picked that photo. But now, years later, I can finally appreciate the beauty he saw. Despite the glaring imperfections I observed, my brother saw a natural, happy girl with a genuine, unabashed smile. For him, my inner radiance outshined any “imperfections.”

This story illustrates how men see our beauty differently than we do. They see our beauty when we often don’t.

Men of all ages tell me that they see something beautiful in every woman, even if a woman is not their type. Finding women beautiful seems to be woven into their DNA. Women should feel relieved and happy that men notice and admire the simply feminine things we take for granted: our curves, our colors, our curls, our eyes, our smiles, and our hips. These features of ours are quite mesmerizing to them, even though we put little effort or expense into them.