Vulnerability is closely related to authenticity. We can’t be fully authentic without first being vulnerable. This willingness to be deeply open and transparent makes us irresistible to a man. One reason vulnerability is so attractive to a man is that he has a deep need to be needed and to be protective of us. Our vulnerability brings out the hero in him.

So why is the thought of being vulnerable so frightening to us? Perhaps it is because we fear the hurt and rejection that might come when we unmask our real selves. Vulnerability takes courage because we have to surrender to our fears of being seen and known. It feels scary because it requires getting naked emotionally and we could get hurt.

Most of us carry past relationship wounds of some kind, which can make being vulnerable a scary proposition. It is important as women that we first listen to and trust our intuition to determine when to be vulnerable and when not to be. Yet to have real intimacy in a romantic relationship we must be willing to be vulnerable. Without vulnerability, we are prone to being hollow and rigid. We miss out on the rich, close connection with the man we love. We cannot experience genuine love or intimacy without vulnerability.

Once we have chosen a good man and opened ourselves to him, we receive the best rewards. We find that as we are more vulnerable, our man is too. Men want to feel safe to express their uncertainties to us, but they are not likely to open up if we won’t be vulnerable with them. It’s the intimacy of sharing secrets and intimate details that sets our hearts free and serves as a bonding force in couples.

Being vulnerable is not only a gift we give ourselves, it’s also a gift of freedom for our men.

Men have consistently expressed to me the desire for a woman to be authentic and vulnerable instead of putting up the pretense of perfection. Here are some comments I’ve heard from men:


“It’s vulnerability that establishes trust.”

– Bill


“When a woman is vulnerable, it brings out the chivalrous side of me. I think it’s now a safe place for me to be authentic. It builds trust.”

– Irvin


“Femininity is showing vulnerability, sensitivity, tears, and trust. Vulnerability is a sign of trust and appreciation. It is something to be treasured, protected and never violated. It is a positive move in a relationship, a sign of opening, a sign of courage. It’s positive communication in both friendship and romance. I welcome it with deep appreciation, care, and reverence.”

– Paul J.


*Excerpt from Chapter 7 of Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men by Morgan Wonderly
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