I was talking with a male friend of mine last night who suggested I write a blog on women’s language. He elaborated by saying that when he over hears women in conversation and they’re making fun of others or gossiping or using crude language, it’s a turn off to men. To them, it implies that we have underlying anger, insecurity or jealousy issues, which takes away from our feminine attractiveness. It makes them wonder if we’re judging them in a similar way or saying derogitory things about them behind their back too.

Men Observe More than We Think They Do

In my years of research for my book, I found men’s uneasiness with our gossip and judgement of others to be a sensitive topic with them. Although they observe our conversations, they may never talk to us about how they really feel. Deep down, men want to be our confidants and feel safe to open up to us. They long to trust us with their goals, desires and secrets. Yet when they hear us gossip with other women, a part of them shuts down. They question whether or not they can trust us. They hesitate telling us anything too personal that could be used against them later.

Men also find crude conversation in women to be turn off. When a woman is crude, she comes across as very masculine. This is so unappealing to a masculine man, because what he’s missing, the feminine, is what he seeks to compliment him. If he wants another man, he can call on his buddies or go down to the sports bar. Similarly, a woman who continually complains in a negative way or has a pessimistic tone, tells a man he can’t make her happy. For men, making us happy is what makes them thrive. The happier we are, the more they will do to keep us happy.

The key to changing our conversations to more positive ones, is to make a change in our mindset. When we have an attitude that stems from acceptance and love, instead of fear and insecurity, our language and conversations automatically shift to a higher level. Our words become softer and kinder and we evolve to being more caring and compassionate. These warm words are what men find very feminine and attractive and make it safe for them to truly open and share their hearts with us. If we want men to bond with us forever, the words we choose and the way we say them are key.

For more enlightening information on what men love and find feminine in us, get my new book, “Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men” on Amazon. Mother’s Day is this Sunday and this would make a great gift for your mom. There is no other book quite like it. She will love it!