Due to their naturally visual nature, men notice our outer beauty first before discovering our inner qualities. So while the inner qualities are more important than the outer appeal, if we don’t pay attention to our looks, men may not get the chance to discover our inner beauty. This does not mean men are shallow. Their biology is in charge here. In fact, science has discovered there are legitimate survival advantages to the characteristics we consider “beautiful.” For example, symmetrical facial features correlate with a stronger immune system, and a classically feminine body shape correlates with better reproductive capability. Undoubtedly there are other correlations we don’t yet know about.

Nature designed men to be attracted to women with these basic visual characteristics, which serve to help men, much as we women are served by our sense of intuition. In fairness, we would no more wish upon men the loss of their natural visual discernment than we would wish upon ourselves the loss of our natural intuitive discernment. In terms of visual qualities, as with inner qualities, what men look for in women are simple feminine basics. Ironically, many women unknowingly neglect these basics, and instead work on aspects of their appearance that matter little to men.

What men tell me they’d like to see a simple, authentic expression of our inner feminine, not some kind of display of pretended perfection. Just as we women intuitively feel a lack of trust when a man seems too perfect, so men also sense something may be too good to be true when women present themselves as too perfect.

But, when we enhance our best features by bringing focus to them, men immediately notice. For example, if our best features are our healthy hair, long legs, and big eyes, we can make them more beautiful, shapely, and alluring by putting additional emphasis on them, which also serves to downplay our less attractive features. We don’t need to be raving beauties to possess an alluring feminine image that attracts men.

If you’re in a relationship and desire to create a feminine image, ask your man what he likes. He probably won’t describe it to you, as it’s hard for him to put into words, but if you show him, he can say “yes” or “no.” When you try something on, study his face and you will know immediately. If he likes it, his eyes will light up, he will smile, and he’ll likely verbalize something akin to “Wow!” If he doesn’t deliver a similar response, he’s probably not crazy about the look. Remember, before your man will be honest with his opinion, he has to trust that you won’t get upset with him. While you’re earning his trust, use your intuition and his nonverbal cues to know whether he likes the look you’ve put together or not.


Here are some thoughts on outer beauty from a man’s perspective:

“Femininity comes in many unique forms, not just in good looks and a stylish appearance. Regardless of any quirks, if it is genuine, it will be endearing, and someone will find the whole package very attractive, flaws and all.” 

– Ken, Entrepreneur, California


“As a man, I love seeing the feminine body showcased to emphasize the differences between men and women’s bodies. I like to see our differences accentuated.”

– John, Engineer, California


“Men are attracted to qualities and attributes that are strictly female. For instance, it is alluring for a woman to wear a dress, heels, lipstick, perfume, nail and toe polish, earrings and other jewelry, and to have longish hair. Believe me, men are very much aware of those things.”

– Kenny, Business Owner, California


“I will often compliment a woman who inspires me. It might be a bank teller who has beautifully manicured and polished nails, or a retail clerk with a striking hairstyle, or a woman standing in line wearing a pretty dress. I’m not hitting on them, but appreciating the effort they’ve made to be feminine. It makes me feel good to compliment them, and it makes them feel good. Which is really the point. They deserve it.”

– Randy, Retired CEO of Electronics Company,       Ashland, OR


“There is a large disconnect between men and women when it comes to the subject of women’s outer appearance. We men are primarily attracted to the inner feminine qualities of women, and look for simple outer representations of them. In the meantime, women have been persuaded to hide their inner feminine qualities as being some kind of weakness, immaturity, ineffectiveness. Then, instead of showcasing the inner feminine qualities, women engage in superficial public display. In the meantime, men look for outer representations of inner beauty, and are disappointed when women have engaged in this artificial process.  Women are more authentic and more pleasing to men, when they enhance their appearance based on their inner quality to men, versus assuming men to be superficial.”

– Eric, I.T. Consultant, Seattle, WA


*Excerpt from Chapter 8 of Simply Feminine: Surprising Insights from Men by Morgan Wonderly
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