I had a request from Dee in the Chicago area. She asked me what the top 5 ways are to keep a man’s interest and love after 20 years of marriage. Here they are:
- Admire him for the masculine things he does. It could be his intellect, being a good provider, his problem solving skills, his building skills or his physical strength. These are the masculine aspects men want to be admired for. For a man, admiring the way he does the laundry or vacuums the living room just doesn’t have the same value to him. Tell him you admire his ability with numbers, that he’s a wonderful father and example to your children, or that you feel safe when your in his strong arms.
- Be warm and affectionate with him. Men are generally touch starved more than we women realize. When men are young boys, they generally get affection from their mothers. But then they reach a certain age, it’s natural for them to pull away from their mothers and don’t have any other means of getting affection until they have a girlfriend or wife. Women, on the other hand, can also get affection from their parents, other women and children. Men don’t have all those options in our society. So, the women in their live becomes the primary source for physical touch. This also includes making love with him.
- Keep up your feminine looks. Men feel loved when we keep up the way we look. Take the time to be attractive when you see him. Put on some natural looking makeup and wear a cute outfit that flatters your figure in a color that looks great on you. Apply a light fragrance he likes. Let your hair grow out. It doesn’t have to cost much or take much time. Your man will notice if you make the effort. I also recommend asking your man what he’d like to see on you. Men rarely, if ever, get asked that question and they do have opinions about our appearance. They are delighted when we ask…as long as we do it in a way that doesn’t make them wrong.
- Show interest in his hobbies or passions. If he loves golf or football or fishing or poker, ask him what he loves most about these interests. When we show interest and really listen, men love to share what they know. They are natural teachers. You might even want to join him at a sporting event or camping trip to understand more clearly what he loves about it. Although men won’t express it, they need us to be a witness to their lives…they want us to be their closest companion and confidant. Doing so gives them a sense of meaning and purpose which has them feel more intimately connected to us.
- Be vulnerable with him. Perhaps one of the most powerful ways to connect with a man is by being vulnerable with him. That means telling him about your fears and feelings of inadequacy. It means letting go of pride and having the courage to be real. Sometimes just saying you feel scared is enough to break down years of barriers in your relationship. When you are vulnerable with your man, it tells him that you trust him enough to let down your guard. This automatically brings out the hero in him. His masculine nature will want to protect you and help you not to feel afraid. He will want to do anything in his power to help you feel safe, which will make him feel wonderful, because doing so will make him feel like a real man. Nothing is more connecting than that for a man.
I’d love to get your feedback on this blog. Also, let me know what other topics you would like to know about with regards to men and what they adore about us. I’d love to hear from you men too!
Hi Morgan, I love your blog. It’s really refreshing.
My question is this: About being vulnerable. What if I’ve put myself in a vulnerable position in the past and instead of being protected, I was hurt even deeper to the point where I lost that “deep naive trust” that I use to have with my husband. I no longer feel safe in sharing.
I no longer want to confide in him which creates a void in my life. Any suggestion to overcome that?
Thanks, great article.